I use to do coke. I use to take a sniff before and after and sometimes even during class to get my usual high. I use to get up to take a shower, turn the water on and still wait at least 30 minutes before my pinky toe would even get wet. I would sit in my powder room and indulge my powder as though I didn’t pay any bills and I was 23 with a money tree to afford all of the water I was waisting. I use to sit around with my friends and obsess over our usage. And I didn’t think I was an addict you know. That my life really did revolve around a single object. Or even objects, because although coke was my main priority somewhere somehow another substance began to tickle my fancy. Being that I knew I was going to be away from suppliers, I set myself up real nice to keep my drugs flowing. I went out and bought the top of the line in preparation for Madrid. I thought that all of the other kids would do drugs too and that they would all like me because I had the good stuff. That they would all be in adornment of my American drugs as though it were superior to any of their countries’. We Americans are taught to feel like that right? That we are the land of the free and the home of the brave. Like our country is on everyone’s VIP list. We wear shirts saying…
“You Cant Sit With Us”
Just assuming that anyone would even want to.
Well anyways, the other kids didn’t want my drugs! They were far from impressed and the thought of America being the best surely gave them the giggles. But wait, don’t get me wrong they use the same drugs just in different moderation. They like some of the same things just from different perspectives.
You see I use to be addicted to coke and often I would indulge in other substances. And by coke I mean social media and by other substances I mean makeup, weave, acrylics -anything that I wasn’t born with that enhanced my physical appearance. I was created in the land of the free and the home of the brave but I don’t think America taught me how to be free or brave. I was shackled down to believe that I had to “put on for the gram.” That my life wasn’t exciting if others didn’t think so. I wasn’t brave enough to feel that just being me was sufficient, spectacular even. I thought that walking out of my house with out looking like one of the special edition ebony Barbie dolls was ludicrous. Although every U.S. citizen may not totally agree, our society as a whole can relate to my addictions. Too often we travel just to post, while other cultures travel to partake. To embrace new ways of life and experience what every unique location has to offer. After befriending the other 10 multicultural students in my program, I realize that I no longer desire to be in love with the coco.
I dedicate this Memoir to my “Bonnie” Ciara Hart